the call

If you are one of the three people who actually reads this blog you may recall how I was recently wondering what day will be "the day" for the big call, and how it was strange wondering when it would come.  Well, as it turns out it was that very day, only an hour or so after I posted that entry!

Before I go into all of the details of what happened I will share with you what you really want, the pictures.  So here she is, our amazing daughter Mae.

I just want to scoop her up and hug her! 

I can stare at this one all day!  

John loved that she is on the same rug that we have!  

Isn't she the cutest!!  We feel like the luckiest people in the entire world and we can't believe we will have the privilege of being her parents! The boys are so happy and excited. Andrew wants to go get her now!  I like his thinking!

Her full name will be Mary Laura Xiaoyu, but we will call her Mae. She will turn two in October (another fall baby!). She lives in Southeastern China in Dungguan City. It is located between Hong Kong and Guangzhou (formerly known as Canton). She was born missing her right thumb and her right arm is shorter than her left.  We feel blessed that we live in Dallas, which is also the home to Scottish Rite Hospital, one of the premier hospitals for pediatric orthopedics. She is tiny, even for Chinese standards, so I can't wait to see her next to Grant, our giant. She is, "active, restless, and easy to get along well" and she, "likes lying on other kid's back, does not like covering the quilt on herself, does not feel happy if not sleep well [sic]." I love it!  She will fit in perfectly with our crazy crew!  

So now that you have seen the good stuff, I will explain how she became our daughter.

It was a rainy day here and we actually had absolutely nothing on the agenda (thank goodness)!  I was writing and enjoying my yummy creamy coffee and the kids were playing in the house.  Then, at 12:01 a call came through.  I was in my room when the home phone rang.  The caller id said, "Lifeline" which is the name of our adoption agency.  My heart stopped.  Is this really it??  This can't be it!  There is really only one reason why my agency would call me during this time in the process, as most things can be done over e-mail.  I couldn't believe this was it!

With my heart racing I picked up the phone and it was our wonderful social worker Anna.  She then said the sweet words that every adoptive parent longs to hear, "We have a referral for you."  Total Shock!  I had already convinced myself that we would be waiting until the fall before we got a referral, so this was completely unexpected.

She briefly described the little girl for us and told me she would e-mail me her file and a couple of videos.  She said that the girl's file had been locked off the shared list and that we had until late tomorrow night to decide.  What!?!  My head was spinning now!  Oh boy, was this a lot to process!  I called Joe immediately and told him to sit down because we had a referral.  He didn't believe it either.

Excitedly, we both jumped in front of our computers and waited for the file to come through.  It felt like the longest minute of my life, but finally an e-mail from Anna popped up and we saw Miss Mae's little face for the very first time!  Oh. My. Word. She is so stinkin' cute!   We looked over the file and both of us realized that this could be it.  This could be our daughter!  We quickly e-mailed Anna and told her that we were really really interested, and that we were going to try to get some doctors to review her file for us ASAP.

We contacted the Dallas International Adoption Clinic to review the file and get back to us.  Shortly after they got all of the information they told us that they could talk to us the next afternoon.  This was great, but it freaked me out a bit, since that would only leave us with a few hours to decide after we talked with them.  I hurriedly contacted another doctor in Michigan to look over the file.  I knew that she usually looked at files overnight and then contacted parents first thing in the morning.  I know it was only a few hours difference, but I felt like we needed information as soon as possible, and it couldn't hurt to get a second opinion.

All the while we were falling in love with her, and realized that unless we heard something really scary, she was probably our daughter.  I think I watched the videos 100 times that day and looked at the pictures and her file every 5 minutes.  That night we prayed for guidance, we researched as much as we could about her condition, and we filled out more paperwork in case we proceeded with the adoption.  It was not the most restful of nights.

The next morning Joe had an early dentist appointment so he was not home.  Around 9 a..m. the doctor from Michigan called to go over the file.  We talked for about 30 minutes and for the most part she said our daughter looked healthy.  There were a few things that we should check up on, but there were no red flags.  HUGE relief!  I mean let's be honest, we were already in love.

When Joe got home from his appointment I went over everything the doctor said and we both agreed that unless the Dallas doctors give us horrible news, this is our daughter.  We e-mailed Anna, our social worker, and let her know that we were almost certainly going to submit LOI for this little girl.

A few minutes later Anna called the house.  She told us that with the new computer system (China instituted a new system in June) there have been some kinks and she wanted to talk to us before we heard anything from anyone else about the problems.  Huh?  She said that when Lifeline went in that morning to look at the files that they had locked for families there were some that had disappeared.  Apparently, more than one agency was able to lock a child's file with the new computer system.  This meant that multiple families were falling in love with the same children.  My heart stopped at this news.  I couldn't believe our file may be lost and that some other family might have her.  Anna continued to say that 2 families files had not disappeared, and that we were one of those families. With this news the tears just started rolling down my cheeks.  If I had ever wanted a "sign" that this was our daughter it was this news.  The prospect of having lost her file was devastating and made me realize that I did not want to give it up.  To be fair to Anna I am sure she said something in the beginning of the call to reassure us that we could move forward, but my brain did not processes that, causing me to have the moment when I did not know whether we had her file or not.

My heart really goes out to those families that this happened to.  I can't imagine if we had been told that another family locked her file first, and that we could no longer submit LOI.  Complete heartbreak.  I pray that those families find their children very soon, and that it was all for the best in the long run.

Later that day we did talk to the doctors at the Dallas International Adoption Clinic.  They agreed that for the most part she looks healthy and that there were no red flags.  Our talk with them was long and informative.  We were very impressed with how thorough they were.  They sent her file to doctors at Scottish Rite to review who said that she looked like a candidate for some possible procedures.  Oh my, we were so excited!

Just after we got off the phone we called Anna together to tell her we were ready to send in our LOI for Mae!  I really can't describe how happy we are. The more and more we think about her the more we have to pinch ourselves!

having fun!

We are having a great time at our favorite place, the beach!

Love this boy!

Bam!

Ready for the beach!

He loves his piano!

Enjoying the neighbor's figs

7

The kids are playing in the rain and I am enjoying a nice cup of coffee with creamer (more on that in a bit), life is good!  We have been cruising right through our summer and things are just chugging along.

There is really nothing new to report with the adoption, we are just waiting for a match.  I think it is easier waiting right now because we have been occupied with all the joys of summer, but it is odd to wonder every day if today is the day for "the call."

There was a shared list released last week, but we were not matched off of the list.  In case you do not know, the shared list is a list of new files of children available for adoption that the Chinese government releases roughly every month.  Every agency in the U.S. and around the world wait for the list to be released so they can then try to "lock" files to match families with the children.  Apparently the list was small and the children that might have been a good match for us were locked with other agencies.   I was a little disappointed, but honestly I did not think we would be matched off this list, so I was not too surprised.  Besides the shared list there are also orphanage partnerships with agenceies. Our agency has several of these and this is the most likely way we will be matched.  In this process, the agency gets files exclusively from certain orphanages and then matches them with their waiting families.  Apparently, new partnership files will be coming any day to our agency.  Whether or not we will be matched this go round remains to be seen.

In other news, I am currently reading the book 7 by Jen Hatmaker with a group of friends.  It has been very powerful.  The idea of the book is to cut back on 7 areas of excess (food, clothing, waste, shopping, possessions, media and stress).  By doing with less it opens up opportunities to to have a greater relationship with God as well a deeper understanding of how much we have compared to most of the world.

Last week was our first meeting and the chapter we reviewed was about food.  In the book Jen ate only 7 foods for one month.  The foods she chose were avocado, chicken, spinach, sweet potatoes, apples, whole wheat bread, and eggs with a small amount of olive oil, salt and pepper to taste.  For our group there were several changes that we could choose to make.  For example, we could eat the same 7 foods for one week, fast one meal for a week, not eat out for the week, work at a food pantry or similar place, or take a meal to someone in need.

I decided to go with the same 7 foods that Jen picked and eat only those (although I added black coffee, which I hate, because I did not want to deal with the headaches).  Let me tell you, it was so eye opening.  I would highly recommend it to anyone.  It is not that it was really "hard" to do because let's face it, those are all really good foods and I could eat as much of them as I wanted.  Many people in the world do not have access to a well rounded diet, nor do they have the luxury of eating to their heart's content.  The reality for many people in the world is that getting a bowl of rice or some bread is a good day.

What was so humbling and eye opening for me was to actually live with the 7 choices.  Obviously, I am aware that people are dying of starvation every day and that there are real problems in the world as far as allocations of resources and access to food and clean water.  I know this, we all know this.  But to live an indulgent form of it really puts it into perspective.  I took for granted just how many choices I have. Every. Single. Day. Do I want cereal for breakfast?  No eggs?  Wait, maybe I will have fruit and granola with yogurt today?  And all of this before I have showered.  Did I ever think about how much I had compared to most?  Yes, for sure. But did it really truly sink in?  Definitely not.  And maybe I am an oddity, maybe I am more selfish and less aware than most.  While I believed that I thought about the less fortunate quite often, I really didn't get it.  Not until I lived a version of it did it really click.

I know where my next meal is coming from.  I know I will not go hungry today or tomorrow or next month.  My children are going to bed tonight with full tummies.  We are not eating the same thing every day for every meal.  We most likely are not eating the same thing for dinner this week.  I have choices, tons and tons of choices.  I am truly blessed.

I still don't know what I'm going to do with this new perspective, but I know it has changed me.  I think of Mae in her orphanage somewhere in China and how she probably has very few choices, if any, in what to eat today.  She may get some form of congee for every meal.  I think about the 12 year old boy in her orphanage who may be eating the same thing, or the family struggling to get by in Ethiopia, or the thousands of children in Dallas who are going to bed hungry.  When my kids open up the pantry and say there is nothing to eat, it breaks my heart.  I am completely guilty of saying those same exact words to my mom growing up, and if I am truly honest, I probably said the same thing to Joe in the not too distant past.  Makes. Me. Sick.

On the flip side it was nice to know that everything I was putting into my body was good for me. Really good for me.  I wasn't eating preservatives or processed foods.  I went without dairy for a whole week (the cheese lover in me still can not believe this). There was the added benefit of losing 2 pounds (yea!).  There was also a strange freedom in not having too many choices.  What sounds good, apple or avocado?  Apple it is!  So am I glad I took a week to reduce my food intake?  You bet, and I might even do it again someday. Could I do it for an entire month?  Hmmm, I'm not sure, that would be very hard.  Plus, this coffee creamer tastes so good.

The next chapter is clothes.  I am anxious to see what new insight it will bring.

the crow collection

We are so lucky in Dallas to have an amazing collection of Asian art.  The Crow Collection of Asian Art is in the heart of downtown Dallas and it offers a great selection of art from India, Japan, China and Southeast Asia. On the first Saturday of every month they have family days at the museum. Admission is free and there are always great activities for children and adults.  We have been several times and it never disappoints. This month was no exception.  On top of all of this goodness is the fact that the Nasher Sculpture Museum across the street has their free family day at the same time.  It makes for a great day!

the boys outside of the Crow Collection

my little crew

Andrew likes that lion

Andrew making a wellness journal

Andrew making a Mandala drawing

A's finished product

the boys practicing their yoga

more poses

Grant at the Nasher

Grant showing off his prize for finishing the scavenger hunt at the Nasher. 

fun at Clyde Warren Park

more fun at the park

one last park picture

the fourth

We had a great Fourth of July here.  We went to the neighborhood parade and then to grandma's to swim. I even managed to put together a quick holiday craft.

John with his favorite prize, his hat!

Love this. 

Waiting for the parade

He is not sure about this yet!

the gang

There was a great banjo band

This is the banner  I made for the mantle with some left over fabric.  

enjoying summer

Summer is moving right along over here. We have managed to stay busy although we have snuck in our fair share of laziness too.

John at his last baseball game. 

Fun in the backyard pool!

making pizza

Grant was really into it.

John made a masterpiece.

John's baseball trophy

Fun at the spray ground

I think he is exercising here.  

Andrew is schooling Grant on the important things in life.

Love those boys